Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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