Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
