Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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