I want to have your abortion
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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