Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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