finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
