he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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