I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
