What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job