So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found the puke drawer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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