I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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