Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes