My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.