he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
