Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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