Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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