white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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