Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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