Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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