I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
