Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
