1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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