I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
