ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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