I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
