I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
