It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
