This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Welp...herpes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
