even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
