I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude i'm inner monologue high
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
