At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
