one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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