apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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