You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
