I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
