i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
