I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
