I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
