Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize