So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
