i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
