First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We have started to decorate penises.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"