you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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