I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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