so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
