My nipple is on Facebook.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
