Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
