best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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