He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
