I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
BRING THE BAGELS
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
