Michael Bay diarrhea
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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