dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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