life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
