Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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