god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
