he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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