I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
