matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
