Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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