Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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