she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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