All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
