I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
