TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
