so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
