So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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