RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
