I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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