Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
