my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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