I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
