I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
