can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
