So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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