do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
