I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
