I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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