cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
