I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
