Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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