there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
