We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
