So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
