2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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