bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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