kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize